you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
