So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
