just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
