fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
