Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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