So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
