Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
