My sheets look like a crime scene.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
