you turned your livingroom into a bong?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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