before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
