So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
