I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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