So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
