just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I love you.
Bad choice
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
