my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
