my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
