Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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