I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
