Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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