I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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