do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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