All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
