He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
