I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
