I'm gonna have a badass scar
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
