You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
