you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
