She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
