It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
