i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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