Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
