I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
