...so i touched it.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
