thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
