he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
