im holly from the hills drunk
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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