If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
