Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
