they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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