Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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