I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Congratulations! We have a period
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