I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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