Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
