Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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