I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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