This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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