I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
