I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
