Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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