hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
